In the space of a couple of weeks my whole life has changed, or is making the preparations of change. Following on from my Path-Finder Rhiannon weekend I asked myself what do I really want? What do I want to do, and what next?
The idea to once again try to reapply to University and undergo the MA degree I wanted all along, Archaeology, crept up again. In a whirlwind daze I applied thinking it was a two-year MA like many others. I was so excited and nervous and frightened. I gave in my notice and committed to moving back to Wales to save up the money before we moved to Bath in August.
And then I double checked the website and saw it was in fact three years. That's an additional £3600. That made the reality of the matter quite different from my excited hopes, for it meant I could not afford to move in with my Beloved and cover all of the fees. Last weekend we spent together, with me crying often and stressing over such big decisions. Do I go do this course and forego the house, or do I keep the house and forego the course?
Together we decided that I mustn't let a relationship that is strong enough to withstand distance keep me from pursuing my goals. And so we contacted the agent and entered the messy process of trying to find replacement tenants and preparing to pay up a hefty fee in punishment for cancelling our contract. It was horrible. I was (and am) heartbroken to do this, as we were really excited to move in and I hadn't expected this to be the consequence of choosing to study again.
But another interesting twist then occurred. My Beloved then confessed that he wanted to transfer Universitys himself, but didn't feel able to with the house already signed for. He has now applied for the course he really wanted, albeit a 5 hour journey from me rather than the 2 hours we were currently experiencing.
And then I saw Goddess's web. I am not very happy that things have not turned out as I had planned. I'm quite upset actually. But, despite my decision being the initial move, this is not about me. It's about him. He is now able to say what he truly wants for himself and to move in that direction. If we rearrange the timeline it would look more like, him telling me that he wanted to change Universitys, that we needed to give up the house, and as a response I then chose to return to University myself. That is what has actually be able to happen - I think it matters not who initiated the process, for I believe it was for his freedom to choose, as well as an opportunity for Goddess to move my life also.
So the next steps: I am returning to live in Cymru for the foreseeable future. I will (interview and offer pending) be studying a part time MA in Archaeology, alongside working and wicca-crafting! And my Beloved will (hopefully, again!) be living in Cornwall enjoying the course he really wanted.
Not bad for two weeks work!