Here we go again... During my Spiral One training it wasn't until after the third weekend, the Maiden-Brigit weekend, that I finally understood what was going on with my learning journey. Once again after my third weekend (this time Wild Maiden-Rhiannon) and leading to the fourth, it has dawned on me. Is it something about this archetype and energy?
It would make sense if it was, for this Path Finder archetype of Spring is where I am in my life right now. This appears to be the energy that awakens my consciousness, where in the winter I seem to be asleep.
Today I met my inner angsty teenager again. I've been feeling all sorts - anger, frustration, fear, hopelessness, defensiveness, disapointed... and ashamed, guilty and unable to talk to Goddess about how I'm feeling. Yesterday I realised that shame and guilt arose from the fact that I recognised a very stroppy, angsty teenager rising inside. Who would want to admit that they were behaving like a angry brat? So instead I was hard done by and mistreated... Well I maintain, that things have not be dealt with well, and that I am genuinely frustrated and cross. But my response to the situation was not as a dignified adult, standing up for herself but getting on with what needed to be done. No instead I have sulked, moaned, and cried!
I haven't got my own way. I've been told off unfairly. I have to do something I don't want to do. And the teenage me is causing a whirlwind about her to make that all very clear to everyone! What am I gaining? Pity? Understanding? Allies? Support? Actually, I feel quite the fool now. I feel quite immature and weak, unable to rise to the challenge. It's quite embarrasing really.
And that's ok! Amidst the stung pride, I can actually grin - and finally I see Goddess grinning back, mischieviously! I see Your game! This was all a part of the plan, a part of my journey and development. The typical rite of passage where the young girl stamps her feet and shouts 'I'm a grown up!' only to be thrust into the adult world and find herself desperate to run back to mother's arms and nestle beside her again. Have I met the wisewoman-initiatrix? Have I gotton lost in the woods, bitten the apple and fallen intoxicated? What will I find when I awaken?
Around the Wheel Again and the Path Finder - Goddess of Fire, rises up again to offer me courage, strength, excitement and the road ahead.