I asked the Goddess to help me find a way to move to Avalon. I chose to do everything quickly so that I couldn't change my mind; I knew fear would rise and try to stop me and this week it is really kicking in. I expected retail work and that’s what I applied for.
I prayed for success in my interview and I ended up doing really well. Better than anticipated, in fact, as I was offered the job within 3 hours and with duty manager training to follow. Nevertheless, I came home and cried. And I woke up this morning and cried. The reality kicked in that I am truly leaving Wales. I am leaving behind a chapter in my life, friends, a home. These things never truly go away, and I can still be in touch with them, but I am moving away from them to something new. I am not looking forward to moving because I will then be away from my boyfriend, who I currently see every day, and I am dreading starting a new job. I hate retail and I feel like they have high expectations of me. Rising early in the winter is not pleasant and working Christmas away from family is something I have no had to face before.
I am anticipating the cauldron to come. Although forewarned and paying attention I am still going kicking and screaming. Maybe I am setting up my own stress by expecting it? The Oracle told me that I would ‘arrive when the blossom falls from the trees’; I did wonder if this meant I would feel settled in Her isle by Springtime, even if I move in Autumn.
Goddess spoke to me and said how life changes, and we cannot sit in comfort all of the time. My fear has made me feel like staying where I am, in Wales or in this house. It made me want to stay working where I am and learn to drive all as planned. Stay where I am. Stay with what is familiar. But I can’t. I need to move on and see the world. My Sagittarius side is saying, ‘how amazing that I can say I lived in Glastonbury for such and such a time...!’ I don’t get the same excitement by saying the alternative. Life is short and seems to be going by quicker. I just want to be happy and have amazing experiences. I am seeking that.
My mind has eased somewhat after the initial stress. It occurred to me that perhaps this upcoming job will give me the experienced needed for another job, that otherwise I would not have. A museum will be opening in the new year, which I have set my hopes on. Maybe Goddess has provided me with a way to achieve that, through this job first?
I am looking forward to my Rhiannon Training and to going out on the land more by myself. One fear of mine is that I’ll spend so much time working a mundane job that my purpose for moving to the Isle will be squashed. I am moving for my own independence, as to serve as Her Priestess. I need to see this move as a spiritual quest, even with the job. I must remember to stay wild at heart, to go outside, to travel to the temple and to join in with events in Her name.
The Goddess in that landscape is already beginning to show Herself, in a way that is different to my first impressions from other people’s artwork. This will be an exciting discovery for me!
I see these a lessons from Ker this Lammas time. Upon Her Chalice Hill belly, She spoke and told me that that place is home. Then where I live I have been told to fly the nest from home. I've had two messages colliding, yet reaching the same destination: Leave home to come home - Fly the nest of your current safe haven, and come home to Avalon. The Mother Goddess is calling me home to Her, whilst also teaching me that it is time to fly the nest. As at the Lammas weekend, I am Kore leaving Her mother to find Her own homeplace where She can become Queen.