Praise to Hathor!

Praise to Hathor!

Sunday, 28 August 2016

Rising Fear and Manifestion

I asked the Goddess to help me find a way to move to Avalon. I chose to do everything quickly so that I couldn't change my mind; I knew fear would rise and try to stop me and this week it is really kicking in. I expected retail work and that’s what I applied for.

                                                                        Saying goodbye to the mountain

I prayed for success in my interview and I ended up doing really well. Better than anticipated, in fact, as I was offered the job within 3 hours and with duty manager training to follow. Nevertheless, I came home and cried. And I woke up this morning and cried. The reality kicked in that I am truly leaving Wales. I am leaving behind a chapter in my life, friends, a home. These things never truly go away, and I can still be in touch with them, but I am moving away from them to something new. I am not looking forward to moving because I will then be away from my boyfriend, who I currently see every day, and I am dreading starting a new job. I hate retail and I feel like they have high expectations of me. Rising early in the winter is not pleasant and working Christmas away from family is something I have no had to face before.

I am anticipating the cauldron to come. Although forewarned and paying attention I am still going kicking and screaming. Maybe I am setting up my own stress by expecting it? The Oracle told me that I would ‘arrive when the blossom falls from the trees’; I did wonder if this meant I would feel settled in Her isle by Springtime, even if I move in Autumn.

Goddess spoke to me and said how life changes, and we cannot sit in comfort all of the time. My fear has made me feel like staying where I am, in Wales or in this house. It made me want to stay working where I am and learn to drive all as planned. Stay where I am. Stay with what is familiar. But I can’t. I need to move on and see the world. My Sagittarius side is saying, ‘how amazing that I can say I lived in Glastonbury for such and such a time...!’ I don’t get the same excitement by saying the alternative. Life is short and seems to be going by quicker. I just want to be happy and have amazing experiences. I am seeking that.

My mind has eased somewhat after the initial stress. It occurred to me that perhaps this upcoming job will give me the experienced needed for another job, that otherwise I would not have. A museum will be opening in the new year, which I have set my hopes on. Maybe Goddess has provided me with a way to achieve that, through this job first?

I am looking forward to my Rhiannon Training and to going out on the land more by myself. One fear of mine is that I’ll spend so much time working a mundane job that my purpose for moving to the Isle will be squashed. I am moving for my own independence, as to serve as Her Priestess. I need to see this move as a spiritual quest, even with the job. I must remember to stay wild at heart, to go outside, to travel to the temple and to join in with events in Her name.

The Goddess in that landscape is already beginning to show Herself, in a way that is different to my first impressions from other people’s artwork. This will be an exciting discovery for me!
I see these a lessons from Ker this Lammas time. Upon Her Chalice Hill belly, She spoke and told me that that place is home. Then where I live I have been told to fly the nest from home. I've had two messages colliding, yet reaching the same destination: Leave home to come home - Fly the nest of your current safe haven, and come home to Avalon. The Mother Goddess is calling me home to Her, whilst also teaching me that it is time to fly the nest. As at the Lammas weekend, I am Kore leaving Her mother to find Her own homeplace where She can become Queen.

Friday, 19 August 2016

Following Her Footprints in the Land

I have expressed fears about leaving this land, not serving as Her Priestess here and instead going to a land abundant in Priestesses.
Erin said, "You are deepening your training so that you can come back and lead..."
Sian helped me to understand that I will revisit these lands and so am not leaving forever. I can try to connect these places to each other and see them as a part of the whole. I have Priestessed here and made memories and connection; these will travel with me. The energies I raised in Wales will remain in the memory of the land. I touched that place, however small.

I was born at a time and place where I could play outside. I played in lightning struck trees, gardens, tall growing fields, in parks and by streams. I found nature wherever I could and I learnt Her body, even if I didn’t know that yet.

I was taken on holiday to explore the wilderness of mid-Wales as a teenager. I soaked up the dense green views, the rushing of waterfalls and misty air. I took in the massive views and reveled in the feeling of it just being me and Her.

I moved to South Wales after that, resting in Her coastland, with its woodlands, rivers, ancient caves and ancestral sites. Just by standing on that land, I felt proud and greatful to live there. In this land my spiritual power flowered. I met like-minded people, I grew in confidence and taught and learned. We celebrated Goddess together and we wove Her energy there. Here I was connected to people who spoke of the wonders of Glastonbury, and in turn I met Priestesses and Priests of Avalon, and their tradition.

My time there came to a close and I pray that all we did there does not get forgotten. I pray that when we all leave it will be left in capable hands, that Her land will vibrate with Her name. Gwyr...

She brought me to the mountains next, to Wild Mountain Woman. This was a place where I would learn Her ways independently. I had less time with Her but the impression was strong and distinct. I learnt how each landscape has its own Goddess in the land; some call for joyous celebration and recognition. Others recline back into the land and greet you as you pass by. As a Priestess it is not always my role to initiate temples, ceremonies and traditions. Sometimes my role will be to recognise Her, to communicate just between the two of Us.

I have been feeling guilty about abandoning Gwyr, with little certainty that She will be remembered. I've felt guilty about leaving Wild Mountain Woman, so soon, before I really explored Her mysteries. Sisters have said perhaps I will return to my land; but where really is MY land?

Now Goddess moves me back to England. She calls me to the Isle of Avalon. This is neither prehistoric sea-shore, or wild mountain land, but cultivated fields, countryside and in Glastonbury intense human energy! The feeling that I am getting right now is that I am going to live on the land of Priestesses, where I will train and learn Her ways. Perhaps from there I will move on again, to another learning point, or maybe to the place where I have been trained to Priestess and share Her memory.

I am going to the Isle of Priestesses. The Lady of Avalon will train me as a Priestess and I am sure that I will move on after that to another place that needs a Priestess. She is leading me on a journey and I am following Her call. She has a plan for me.

Friday, 12 August 2016

Facing the Dark Mother

It may seem odd to psot about this during the time of the Lammas Mother, but I post it now because it is about looking forward, to the future months, and seeing what awaits.

Art by Tiana Pitman

People, myself included, dread entering the cauldron. We fear the Dark Mother's face. We fear pain and loss. If we are able to see Her coming for us again, after working so hard to emerge anew from the underworld, our heart sinks. We don't want to see Her again, especially not this soon! I see Her at the end of the corridor extending Her hand to me. I know it's coming this time. This time I'm listening to her. I'm watching.

I know that whatever may come is a lesson. I know it will bring me to a better point in life.  I also know that this is a consequence of a choice I made. I chose to change my life around. I chose to move away, on my own, to follow the Goddess rather than my career. Such decisions do not come lightly.

It dawned on me however, that when I was in the cauldron last year She never caused me harm. Entering Her cauldron was necessary, even essential. And She was there for me. She held me. She surrounded me with love and friends, and a roof over my head. Despite the pain I was feeling, the sadness and the hard situation She brought me nothing but love.

So when I see Her approaching I need to remember that this means I have a friend. This means the Goddess is will me and will hold my hand in the dark. Even if I am afraid, this offers me courage, to know I won't be on my own.