Praise to Hathor!

Praise to Hathor!

Thursday, 21 July 2016

She is wild and free like the sea...

Domnu is the Mermaid Goddess, Queen of the raging seas and undine of the quiet streams. She is wild and untameable, unforgiving in the harrowing storms that pull ships beneath the black surface. She is sensual like the undulating waves on the seashore and the meandering rivers curving into the earth.


Domnu holds up the mirror for us to gaze into, to admire our own reflection, as well as to come face to face with what we truly fear: ourselves. The mermaid is fearless, wild and free, exploring the fast ocean. Domnu's archetype rests in the position between the Lover and the Mother. She is the independent young woman, who knows what She wants and is going out to get it. She offers Her love and affection, but do not think you can claim Her and keep Her on the shore. She will drag you under. The mermaid may appear beautiful and alluring above the water, but remember Her wild side, Her animal side that is hidden beyond the surface of what you can see, below in the water.

These last few blog posts have been leading up to Domnu's true nature, and Her nature within me. I see Her swimming in the sea, beautiful, fierce, free and wild. I long to follow Her Siren's song, but I fear trespassing into that sea, to the unknown. What if it is too cold? What if I am hurt by something? What if the tide carries me away? What if I drown?

I over-think everything, anticipating the worst, feeling the need to be organised and in control, fearing going wrong somewhere. This prevents spontaneity in my life, and I feel that spontaneity is one of the keys to being wild. I am trying to control Domnu's tides in my life, rather than rock with Her flow.

On the 16th I decided to stop waiting for the ideal sunny day to go into the sea. The worst that could happen is that it would be cold and I could warm up in the car after. So I motivated myself to go in. It felt very close to backing out. It wasn't ideal. It wasn't the perfect day to do this. But once I was in and used to the cold I felt empowered to have been daring enough to do it!

On the 18th we returned to the beach at sunset. I was anxious that we'd missed the gorgeous sunshine before we even got there. But it was perfect! The orange sunset light stretched across the water, meeting the silver glow of the full moon. I took photos of the beauty and went for a proper swim. I felt so blessed! I said to Her, 'thank you for my life' and never have I said those words and meant it so much. These moments make life so worth living.

Friday, 15 July 2016

The Mermaid's Mirror

I do not feel like I have obviously connected to Domnu this month, by going swimming and such things. The season has flown by, with lots of work, emotions and planning for Lammas time. That being said, I have not gone without lessons this season.

The Mermaid grooming on the rock...
And the Mermaid who dives into the deep sea...


Our Red Tent this month involved exploring True Beauty, beyond the medias standards and beyond our own. It raised things within my that I had buried. I expect myself to be confident in myself but I appear to be just as self-deprecating as everyone else.

I have been told overwhelmingly to surrender to Her flow. I hold standards that even I myself fail to reach, leading to an overall feeling of dissatisfcation in life. The feelings of betrayal and hurt that I felt last year have been carried over to new situations out of habit for feeling them. I am obsessed with planning and obtaining my goals as soon as possible, especially those that require patience. I'm frankly exhausted by my own mind! I am bored with sulking over what has passed and what falls short today. Nothing can be gained from that. It is self-destructive, and who wants to be a victim when they can be a warrior Goddess?

I danced in the Red Tent on the 13th. I swayed with the Goddess within and She showed me who I could be. She showed me being a person who smiles all of the time, who is wild and free and goes with the flow of life. All it takes is a change of perspective and attitude. I have to make that choice.

I am beautiful when I smile, when I am kind, when I am dancing.


This month I have again had a resounding demand to surrender! I faced a meltdown of emotion regarding my feelings for my partner. How much easier it is to say, 'I'm not bothered that he's going off to University without me, I'll do my own thing', 'If you want to see other people when you're away that's fine too, I get it'. Admitting vulnerability, that you'll be sad without them, that you are frightened they'll find someone 'better', is much harder. And so I have been putting up a barrier of protection, of coldness. All that will result from this is a one-sided relationship where neither of us feels complete or contented. And so I decided to let go. To risk being hurt again. Because that's what love is. It's surrender. And we surrender to love.

Love is not always logical. I cannot be contained by a set of rules and it cannot always be predicted. Love is the heart and so I need to come out of my mind about it.

It's taking me a while for this message to sink in. Rhiannon wants me to feel in this moment. Domnu wants me to flow and release myself to the tides of love. This applies to my relationship and much more.

Domnu is bringing me to confront fear and stop fleeing. I have to dive into the deep and face it all. Like a stern mother, she is insisting that this is what I have to do. Fear will be there no matter what. Bravery is what I need to embrace, instead of running away.



Sunday, 3 July 2016

Releasing Fear to Her Tide



To connect with the Goddess of water this season we were asked to take a ceremonial bath with Her. I added rose oil to the water, lit a candle and incense and submerged myself.
I closed my eyes and decided to journey to her in a meditation. The last thing I saw before closing my eyes was the steam rising from the water, so naturally it was not to the sea that I journeyed, but to Sulis’s pre-Roman hot spring.

 
The green and orange water was out in the open and surrounded by foliage. Two pools were made at either side so that people could bath without losing contact with the bottom. I was one of a group of women, Her Priestesses, who stood around the spring together. We asked Her to help us protect this place and all joined hands together. A Priestess asked us what we would request of Sulis. I said that I ask for the ability to let go of things that I am needlessly carrying. I was then told to go to the river and wash these things away.

I then knelt in the orange river that left the spring and asked Her to help me release and let go of my past, to wash it away. Sulis spoke very clearly to me. She said that She would take these feelings and memories and carry them away. Nothing disappears though; She cannot make it go away and be forgotten. She can transform it (like Kerridwen’s cauldron). These past events are a part of my story. They are needed. Once I understand what their purpose is I can begin to heal and lose the resentment for it.

It was similar to how Domnu previously told me She would not take away my fear, but She would help me challenge it:

In my meditation in Chalice Well, Domnu had stroked my hair and told me She would not take away my fear, when I asked Her to. Instead She would guide me into facing my fears, as I have done in the past. I know that I am capable of this. On Tuesday I went for a University interview for a course I was clearly not enthusiastic about. During the interview process I realised it wasn't what I wanted. I wasn't going for it for the right reasons, even if it might be a useful opportunity. It reaffirmed what I actually wanted, to directly follow my career dreams and reach for my PhD. Fear delayed me from pursuing this, but it is definitely what I want. 

I have come to see that this is my fight or flight response. I have always wanted to flee from trouble. Like when I went to my ex-boyfriend’s home to avoid my own. How I deny my feelings or tip-toe around confrontation. How I never challenged my ex for his bad treatment and escaped it with rose-tinted glassed. How I didn’t want to stay in my university town due to its associated memories, so I fled…

She is holding up the mermaid’s mirror. Not just in showing me this part of myself, but as a challenge, to look and confront it for a change.

Back in the meditation Sulis came behind me and wrapped me in Her arms. We both shared wild red hair, and She wore a cloak the colour of moss and the olive green water. She was more maternal than I had expected, based on modern artwork I’d seen of Her.

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The second part of the meditation involved walking into the sea with Domnu. Rather than an anthropomorphised Goddess She was the smiling water itself. She was happy to be carrying me on Her waves. An overwhelming message from Her here was that we need to take care of Her too. As humans we’ve learnt to take control over nature; with this control we can also heal and protect Her too. What am I waiting for?

Accepting Self



This is a short and simple post, but one that holds significance to me.

 
In the June Red Tent we shared our answers to the question, 'When have we felt connected to the Divine Feminine in our lives?' It took me a while to really get to the core of my answer, but then I came to a story I shared on here about being nude in front of others.

Something clicked in my mind then. I realised that in that moment of vulnerability, being naked, trusting and being guided by those older women, I felt the Goddess with me, and I felt like a Maiden. I did not go into the pool feigning confidence at the sexy lover Goddess archetype. I went in as a young woman, frightened and shy. 

In that moment I accepted my youth and recognised how during this training I have started to empower my inner Maiden. I recall this from that Bridie weekend, and from the Wild Maiden of Ostara. Accepting this Maiden is accepting an important part of myself, and this has allowed me to be who I am. Being genuinely me, made me feel feminine and connected me to the Goddess.

Being our true selves, naked and bared to Her, not fighting or denying any part of us connects us to Her, because it is our natural self and She is Nature.