Praise to Hathor!

Praise to Hathor!

Wednesday, 27 April 2016

Rhiannon Comes Swift Riding

It is perhaps not surprising that Rhiannon's lessons have approached faster than any of the other Goddesses so far. Artha's season is barely over and already Rhiannon has reflected Her lessons in the mirror.

The first one came around a week and a half ago. I found myself becoming very clingy with my lover. I kept repeating that I loved him and wanted reassurance that he'd come back for me after his first year of his degree, and that the night we'd spent together was good for him too. I knew all this things were mutual - he is very expressive in his love - but I needed constant reassurance of this. I crave him to adore me and shower me with love.

I thought I had left the last relationship with my mind relatively intact, even if my heart was broken. I did not have any negative feelings about myself, and I am not a jealous partner as a result of the nightmare. But as I have slowely allowed myself to love again the insecure feeling of being abandoned has crept up on me. Previously I was made to feel unlikeable, boring and under-sexed, so now I want reassurance that I am not those things. I know I am not, and my partner makes it clear, yet my instincts still require it. This appears to be an underlying doubt in my own self-love, and I hope that Rhiannon can heal this with me this season.

The second one clears up a big issue in my life. I am filled with passion. My whole life I have been a dreamer. I have dreamed of things I want to do and achieve in life and as I've got older these dreams have burned with such intensity that at times I cry with emotion! I desperately want to do this, I cannot wait to do that, I'd do anything to live there! I say I love so many things, and there are so many things I burn to do. It means I often feel overwhelmed, take on too many projects, fear too much that things won't work, or try to hard to make sure they do.

When I walked Artha's labyrinth the Morgan told me that my power was my ability to love, and my ability to overcome such heartbreak was a testament to how strong this power is. I am welling up just typing it... This passion inside me is burning now with hope for this future - and fear! I now understand how I am always so overwhelmed!

Monday, 25 April 2016

Into the Temple

On the 22nd April we visited Bath and the Temple of Sulis. I was rather emotional as I woke on the Journey and found myself in England. I miss home. I feel like I belong there in a way that I do not feel here in Wales. I wish to move to the West Country and Somerset and so I felt this longing as we arrived first at Dyrham Park.
At the park we saw wild Deer who at this season are rutting and shedding their horns. It was magical to see these animals in their freedom.

In the entrance of the Roman Baths is a huge poster that says 'the Goddess awaits you' and it sent chills down my spine. I found it moving that in this place so many tourists come to learn about the Goddess.
Again, I was emotional as I went through, anticipating meeting Her in Her temple.  Seeing the steam rise from the surface, the blend of orange mineral deposits, the green water, the flaming braziers and the patter of rain on the pool was intoxicating. I wish I could have been there alone - or better yet, with a circle of Priestesses singing Her name around the pool. I soaked in what I could with the time we had and the many people around.
I wanted to come to a central place to meet Her, like a darkened room, a silent chapel, an illuminated sculpture. The sacred spring where the warm water rises from the earth is not accessible, but it can be viewed from windows. I looked longingly at the water, which today contains a bacteria harmful to humans, and so has an eerie danger to it; rather than acting as a threat, it seemed to me to represent a powerful reverance of the water, to respect it, despite longing to touch Her.
At the end of the museum there is a running tap with Her purified water that you can drink from. The water tasted like the Red Spring in Avalon, although maybe more sulphorous and a little less like blood; but this was warm like Her life blood.This natural warmth was so bizarre in addition to the iron taste. I had not truly appreciated ho wlike blood Sulis' waters were. It was incredible.
It occured to me that this is the first ancient Goddess Temple I have ever been too. I have seen Her ancient statues, been to ancestral burial places and been in modern Temples. But this was ancient and ongoing in Her worship, albeit in a different way today. Sulis has definitely made an impression on me. I especially loved reading how it was believed that the sun set into the sea and warmed the water, thus aligning this watery Goddess with the sun - something I'd seen as odd before. In fact, this actually rather reminds me of the Summer Solstice, where the sun is at its zenith and where we honour the Mother of Water.

Monday, 18 April 2016

Face to Face with My Power

I shared this post with my Spiral Sisters, Brothers and Teachers today, and I wanted to record this feeling that I had on here also. It is a part of my Journey with Artha, Goddess of my Inner Power.
When I see these photos I really accept my own power. This is me at World Goddess Day 2015, dressed as the Goddess Kali. This is me embracing that side of me that wasn't allowed to exist before 2015. This is my wild nature, my aggression, my sexuality, my pleasure-seeking, brave and un-intimidated self. And She resurfaced because Goddess stripped me bare and forcefully confiscated the destructive things in my life that stopped me from becoming myself, and Her Priestess.
She surrounded me with powerful women who supported and loved me, and did not reject this other side of me. In perfect synchronicity She presented a Goddess-loving man at the right time, who enflamed this Goddess within. I am so greatful to Her, and to these woman and this man. And I am greatful to myself, for surrendering and giving myself permission to be free, wild and truly myself. I feel like these are photos that express that time of darkness and power. I carry this side with me, and join her with my power in the light also. For I am Owl-Face with Her talons, as well as Flower-Face with Her hawthorn buds. 

Friday, 8 April 2016

Finding Power

The Power to Create and Change

The weekend and this season is focused on my own personal power. This was reflected in the wand that I made. I chose a chunky, awkward piece of driftwood. I don't know why I chose this one, as I looked at other people's delicate, pretty choices. I didn't really like it as I held it during the weekend. I took it home to finish decorating and I had the power to transform something ordinary into something beautiful. I have found this creative power in myself recently and have been making more and more things that I never had faith I could do before.

I have also recognised my power to change. Everything She touches changes. Every person we come into contact with changes us somehow, and we change them. I have this this effect in my own life, in ways that I feel are more empowering if I do not share them here. But they are deeply significant in life's journey.

Meeting Beron-Artha

Recently my partner and I decided to go for a hike up the mountain where we live. We chose a familiar route up and engaged with our inner wildness by exploring off the path (responsibly). We decided to go up further and soon I had decided, with a toothy grin I wanted to reach the top if possible.
It was magickal ascending into the landscape that rarely saw other people. We got pretty high but had to stop for safety reasons. It began to rain so we decided to walk down a road we had just discovered, thinking that the road would surely bring us back to civilisation. Unfortunately it seemed to be taking us very, very slowely down and in the opposite direction of home. In the rain we decided to take the woodland track that descended in the direction we wanted. So long as we stuck to a path and headed downwards we should be ok.
We descended through the thick, dark, pine forest, and whilst it was a tad scary it was wild! I've always gazed into such woods longing to be under the trees in the dark. Today it was like being truly inside Her body, at Her centre, in Her untouched world. I felt the Bear all around, the wild and the ancient beneath those trees in the rain. The trees were old, some twisted and leafless covered in moss. The hiss of rain and hail rattled on the ground as we followed the old path. We were watched by Her as we passed through. I remember a particular spot that had the energy of an underground Temple, guarded by Fae; we were too anxious at this point to take our time soaking it in.
Eventually we did get back, but it was nervewracking, especially with the rain and hail that assaulted us. But this wildness, of the mountain forest and of our decision to break the rules and explore, was exhilerating.
As a child we follow the paths of our parents, gazing into the unexplored paths that look inviting and mysterious. As teenagers we long to break against this following, wishing to go our own way, and may do so irresponsibly. As adults we have the freedom to follow our own path, and (hopefully) the knowledge to do so responsibly. With the latter then, we also need to remember our younger selves and add just that extra dash of exploration, wildness and excitement.

I have learnt that in order to really feel power, power needs something to push against. How can I feel powerful if no effort is being made, no action taking place, nothing to spend my energy on? To feel powerful to do act, to do something, to manifest. We feel powerful when we achieve something, especially when it is hard. When trying to connect to our inner power therefore, we cannot hope to do so just sitting and meditating about it. We need to decide to do something, and then to do it.

Artha's Fire

Over the last training weekend where I connected to Artha for the Spring Equinox I embraced my inner Maiden once again. Over the last year I thought that I needed to accept adulthood, mature and move on with life. I toughened up, released outdated ideas and opinions, experienced new things. I completed University and got a new job. But during this weekend I got in touch with the wild maiden I used to be as a child, and who I still am now. The Wild Maiden is free, happy, excited, strong and brave. Bridie taught me to empower the Maiden I had been trying to repress, and to embrace that innocent playfulness of youth. Artha is teaching me to be wild, fun and free.

Just as I had to confront the negative side of my inner child at Imbolc, Artha's teenage fire flared in me recently. I had a major sulk.

Inner Teenager

I was unable to fully join in with this month's Red Tent as I was working. I was disapointed by this and instead of making the most out of the short time that I was lucky enough to have in the Tent, I was rather dejected instead. A couple of days later I was also unable to accompany friends to Glastonbury as I was working again, and this really bothered me. I was not angry with my friends at all, I was having a strop at my own misfortune - feeling sorry for myself.

In the car on the way to work that morning I called Artha's name when I was feeling low. She immediately stepped forward and revealed to me that I was embodying the moody teenager. "I don't want to go to school today! I want to go out with my friends! It's not fair!..." Artha extended Her hand to me. You can sit here, holding on to this sulk and make yourself miserable and your friends guilty, or you can let go of these feelings, give them to me and release yourself. And I reluctantly did so. And felt instantly happier. When I got to work I couldn't remain cross. I enjoy my job too much, and I had chosen to let the sulk go.

It reminded me of a scaled down version of my relationship break up. I had chosen to hold on to my pain, to the feeling of being mistreated and wrong-done-by. I resented it all so much, and was so angry that the only gratification I could get was wallowing in it, feeling that the intensity of my sorrow would cause me shame upon the wrong-doer. It didn't. I just hurt me more. And so I chose to let it go. And again, over this weekend with Artha she reminded me that what She - The Goddess - did was for the best, and I know it, and so I should let the anger of it go.

Artha is teaching me to release the fire of resentment and anger, and to replace it with the flame of vitality and creativity. I listened to music on the train home today and was filled with butterflies and I imagined myself dancing to the drums on a hilltop - my wild maiden dancing free.